Why A Sense Of Belonging Is Better Than Fitting In At Work

We have all heard the importance of "fitting in" with respect to social situations and work. It makes sense when you understand, on a fundamental psychological level, that fitting in is predicated on similarity and conformity. But you must first have a solid understanding of the definitions and concepts of similarity and conformity in their relevant contexts to know why they are important.

Similarity refers to the psychological degree of identity of two mental representations, and our ability to discern difference. This is when we recognize what, or who, is dissimilar. Conformity is the act of adhering to norms and matching (in actions and behaviors) attitudes and beliefs. This premise is where that saying, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," germinated long ago.

So if you are not Roman, can you blend in better with Romans when in Rome, by observing and embracing their customs? What if you look dissimilar - will you still fit in, in spite of your efforts? That depends on the degree to which you appear to be similar. This is because one of our greatest mental representations is visual; what we see and how we see it creates discernment. This very process of visual discernment is evolutionary and serves a purpose.

This "lookism" is also at the root of much of the discrimination and prejudice experienced in workplaces. This means that fitting in as as much about being similar as it is about conforming. This also means that fitting in at work is more important than you think. According to Talent Sorter, a recruiting website, fitting in enables you to both get and keep a job. They assert, that in terms of long-term career success, fitting in may actually be more important than your skill level. 

So if you are adept at developing strategies to triumph when you don't fit in at work, does it mean that you will thrive? Maybe. But the better question is this: Will it lead to work/life fulfillment? While we all will face the inevitable challenges of fitting in throughout life, it's a sense of belonging that we should really strive for. It's also what matters most to minorities, with regard to well-being.

A sense of belonging (belongingness) is a feeling of security and support. It's linked to relatedness, one of our basic human needs, according to self-determination theory. Our need for belonging is innate. It motivates us to be around those who we can relate to; those who accept us as we are, embrace our possibilities, and empower us to maximize our potential and grow exponentially. 

When you merely fit in at work, culturally, versus having a sense of belonging, you can still function. When you have a sense of belonging, you function optimally. Even though you may not be able to identify, distinguish, and articulate the differences - your body and spirit can feel them. It can be the difference between feeling alive or feeling lively. Filling a position or feeling fulfilled. Fitting in is a DEI checkmark. Having a sense of belonging is an emotional checkmate.