Friday, June 22, 2012

How To Show Your Love To A Hater

If you achieve a visible level of success, whether it be social, financial, or professional, you inevitably will gain your share of 'haters'. In case you are unfamiliar with this esoteric urban term, it's defined as: A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success.

'Hating,' the chief activity engaged in by haters, is not exactly jealousy (which is characterized by a feeling that one should have another's success because they are just as qualified) or envy (which is characterized by an awareness of an edge, skill, resource, or other advantage that one has over another).

According to Urban, the hater doesn't really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch - which is actually worse than both jealousy and envy; therefore, hating is an action item that ranks at the top of a haters to-do list.

How can you effectively and diplomatically deal with haters? Understand, first and foremost, that haters have hatred in the heart to begin with. Secondly, confusion about jealousy and envy persists. Jealousy is accompanied by an attitude. Envy is associated with admiration.

We all envy something about someone's success. If you suspect that friends or colleagues may be envious (you will know because they will ask questions about how you accomplished something; those who are jealous won't), take that opportunity to encourage them to follow the steps that got you to where you are, or to obtain what you have. By doing so, your message to the potential hater is this: Don't hate, emulate.

Finally, be aware of the fact that haters are like pimples; they can emerge at any time without notice. When confronted with them, and left with no chance of diplomacy, give them more to hate. By doing so, your message to the hater is this: Don't hate, participate. Success is a game that we all play, and one that we can win on our own terms.

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